Patti LuPone wasn’t afraid to speak her mind on Tuesday’s Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen.
The 68-year-old stage and screen diva was throwing punches left and right at some of the world’s biggest stars and productions.
“Well, I was on the treadmill when MTV used to have videos, and I saw, I believe it was Buenos Aires and I thought it was a piece of s**t,” LuPone told a shocked Cohen. “Madonna is a movie killer, she’s dead behind the eyes, she cannot act her way out of a paper bag, she should not be in film or on stage. She’s a wonderful performer for what she does, but she is not an actress. Bang.”
Apparently the two divas have only met once, but LuPone didn’t have the fondest memories of the encounter.
“I did meet her after her opening night party, and the only thing that Madonna has ever said to me was, ‘I’m taller than you.’ Bada bing,” she quipped.
The stage veteran also opened up about the 1993 production of Sunset Boulevard in London, which she was famously fired from, by Andrew Lloyd Webber and replaced by Glenn Close.
When a caller asked if LuPone had seen Close’s production, she replied, “Well, I was in it. I originated the role, so I don’t think I need to see it.”
She noted that there’s still tension between herself and the famous composer, even after he “paid up” in court. As for Close, LuPone simply said that she doesn’t have many friends in show business.
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“I did see Glenn after all that controversy and there was a great deal of controversy and a great deal of silence on Glenn’s part. I did see her at the Kennedy Center Awards because we were honoring the great Barbara Cook. As luck would have it, I sat at Barbara’s table with everybody else that was performing for Barbara and there was an empty seat right next to me.”
Much to LuPone’s surprise, Close sat in the seat. “She said, ‘I had nothing to do with it’ and we hugged,” she revealed. “And it’s that easy, that you can get rid of years of that anxiety.”
But that was where LuPone’s praise ended. She also took a jab at the 2012 film adaptation of Les Miserables, a show which she starred in, originating the iconic role of Fantine.
“I only saw a little bit of it, but I’ll tell you, I’m going to be honest, I think the only person who knows how to do movie musicals, or musicals on camera, is Rachel Bloom in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. She is the only one that understands how to go from dialogue to song so that it makes sense. Her camera department knows how to shoot these rather large production numbers, and what I saw of Les Mis — I didn’t see Les Mis after I left it, I’m too involved with it to go see it, but what I did see — I wondered why the hell they were doing close-ups of these people so that you were seeing the snot, you were seeing down their throat, you were not seeing the scene that perpetuated this emotion in the song. I just, I don’t know why people assume they can do musicals or make movie musicals without ever having been involved with the process of making a musical.”
And it didn’t end there. When Cohen announced that Dance Moms star Abby Lee Miller was the evening’s “Jackhole,” LuPone shouted, “She’s going to jail!” adding that the reality star’s year-long prison sentence is “not enough.”
“She should go to jail for life,” LuPone said. “Didn’t you find her obnoxious? I found her like, oh I just hated her. She’s, like, the worst dance teacher you ever had when you were a kid. And you just wanted to kill her for hurting kids.”