Weddings are supposed to be a moment to celebrate the union and love of one couple. So what’s with other couples capitalizing on this day to stage proposals of their own?
Is it romantic, or just plain inappropriate?
It’s a debate that’s been raging for quite some time in wedding circles, however the discussion was recently reignited after an advice column appeared on Slate.com. The dilemma presented was of a bride who was angry that their best man — who was also their wedding officiant — decided to blindside her and her groom when he interrupted their ceremony to propose to his girlfriend.
Needless to say, social media had a lot to say about the alleged move made by the best man.
Proposing at someones wedding is not beautiful or cute. Its blatantly disrespectful. Dint think an explanation is needed.
— Josie Doll (@JuliettGulf) June 6, 2017
If you steal the spotlight by proposing to your girl at my wedding… I'm showing up to yours and re-proposing to my wife all over again.
— Dubb (@DubbMcGrady) June 6, 2017
I wouldn't be against someone proposing at my wedding. My wedding will celebrate love and I am more than happy to share that space and time https://t.co/3R1jEzrvFI
— Sea Witch ॐ♥ (@oyukybunny) June 6, 2017
i dont see the big deal about proposing at someones wedding as long as you talk to the couple before and hear if theyre ok with it
— lisa simpson (@ronjasx) June 6, 2017
There doesn’t seem to be a consensus in sight online on the heated topic, but for wedding planner and expert Crystal Adair-Bentley of Distinct Occasions in Toronto, it all depends on the couple and situation.
“Weddings used to be simple affairs and now they’ve become these big events,” she says. “Couples are spending 14 months or longer planning their day. It’s something they’ve been thinking about, dreaming about, creating it — putting all of their hard-earned money and energy into planning this party which celebrates them and their love story. And to hijack it with your proposal seems rude. I just think there is a better time and place to do [a proposal].”
However, Adair-Bentley does say that – in the end – it all depends on the couple who’s getting married, their feelings and the situation. That’s why it’s important to ask the couple before, rather than stealing the marrying couple’s thunder in a surprise proposal.
But before you go running to a marrying couple to spill your plans and ask for permission to pop your question, it’s best if you think up of a more original proposal idea that is tailored to your partner. That way the memory of your proposal will be more meaningful and rich.
Because, seriously, who’s to say your partner will even enjoy being proposed to at someone else’s wedding?
“I think what actually makes a wedding proposal romantic and engaging is something that is very authentic and personal to the person you’re proposing to,” Adair-Bentley says. “So if you’re proposing to somebody who is a big sports fan, maybe proposing to them at a Blue Jays game is really cool. But if they hate sports, that’s going to be awkward and weird to them. So you really have to take it into consideration on how your can make it as personal as possible.”
Adair-Bentley admits that she, herself, is a fan of proposals that are intimate rather than public. So if that’s the route you’d like to take, Adair-Bentley has a few suggestions.
“[Do anything] that brings back memories or what you’re picturing your future as,” she says. “I tend to get away from proposals in restaurants, although that remains a classic. But maybe write a little something, like a ‘history of you’ type of book. Or go to somewhere that is important to you and have some pictures of you guys dating on hand – that to me comes across as more romantic than somebody else’s wedding.”