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Irish singer-songwriter Sinead O’Connor posted an emotional, disturbing video to her Facebook page on Thursday, in which she says she’s been “suicidal” for two years and she’s “living in a Travelodge motel.”
O’Connor, 50, says she’s wanted to kill herself for the past two years, and claims that she feels totally alone — those feelings exacerbated since she lost custody of her teenage son.
Recorded in a room at a South Hackensack, N.J. Travelodge hotel, O’Connor says that she’s staying alive for the sake of others, and if it were up to her, she’d be “gone.”
South Hackensack Police Capt. Robert Kaiser said Tuesday that officers conducted a welfare check, but O’Connor wasn’t in her room at the time. He said she is no longer staying there and police don’t know where she is currently living. An e-mail sent to her agent wasn’t immediately returned.
READ MORE: Sinead O’Connor writes vulgar, angry Facebook letter after going missing
“I’m all by myself, there’s absolutely nobody in my life,” she said. “I’m now living in a Travelodge motel in the arse-end of New Jersey. [No one] except my doctor, my psychiatrist — who is the sweetest man on earth who says I’m his hero — and that’s about the only f**king thing keeping me alive at the moment. The fact that I’m his bloody hero… that’s kind of pathetic.”
The singer has publicly battled mental illness for years now and has disappeared before for days on end. She previously said she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The singer was found in a Chicago-area hotel room last year after a call from a concerned doctor prompted a search by authorities.
“It’s like a witch hunt, they are pointing the finger saying ‘See, see this is why’,” the mother of four said in Thursday’s video. “I’m fighting and fighting and fighting like all the millions of people [with mental illness]. If it was just for me I’d be gone. Straight away back to my mom … because I’ve walked this earth alone for two years now as punishment for being mentally f**king ill and getting angry that no one would f***ing take care of me.”
Thousands of supportive comments from fans and well-wishers were posted under the video.
O’Connor lamented that “strangers on Facebook” are kinder to her than her own family. She asked her adult children and their fathers to make an effort to bring her home to Ireland.
“It should not be acceptable to any man who knows me and claims to love and care about me that I’m still sitting here after two years and I’m begging… to be brought home,” she said through tears.
A follow-up Facebook post on O’Connor’s page late Monday, written by someone else on the singer’s behalf, said the singer is safe and not suicidal.
“She is surrounded by love and receiving the best of care,” the post reads.
It’s not known where O’Connor is now or if she’s receiving help.
The singer has led a troubled life, starting with her mother’s death (in 1985) when O’Connor was only a teenager. Growing up in a strict Catholic household, she has claimed in the past that she and her siblings were frequently subjected to physical abuse. She has been married four times.
She stirred controversy in 1992 when she ripped up a picture of Pope John Paul II on Saturday Night Live as a stand against Catholicism. Her biggest hit, Nothing Compares 2 U, topped charts two years earlier.
If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, is in crisis or needs someone to talk to, you can find 24-hour help through the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention.
— With files from The Associated Press